Joke of the Day – Where Y’all From?
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Joke of the Day – Where Y’all From?

A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: So, where yall from?

The girl from New York said: From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.

The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: So, where yall from, BITCH?

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Joke of the Day – Income Taxes
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Joke of the Day – Income Taxes

A newly deceased man, David, stands at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. David decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven.

So off he goes with an ugly, stupid woman, while he pretends to be happy. As he walks along, he sees his friend Steve up ahead – with an even uglier woman. When he asks what’s going on, Steve replies, “I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money.” They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

David, Steve, and their two ugly women are walking along, minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend Don up ahead. He is with an absolutely gorgeous woman who looks like a supermodel/centerfold. Stunned, David and Steve approach the man and discover that it is their friend Don. They ask him how he got this unbelievable goddess, while they’re stuck with these God-awful women.

Don replies, “I have no idea, but I’m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have had five years of the best sex any man could hope to have. There is only one thing that I can’t seem to understand. Everytime we finish having sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, “Damn income taxes!”

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Joke of the Day – Flying With the Pope
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Joke of the Day – Flying With the Pope

A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.

“This is exciting,” thought the gentleman. I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person. Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. This is fantastic, thought the gentleman. I’m really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance.

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘u-n-t’?”

Only one word leapt to mind…my goodness, thought the gentleman, I can’t tell the Pope that. There must be another. The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, “I think you’re looking for the word ‘aunt’.”

“Of course,” said the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?”

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Joke of the Day – WW III
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Joke of the Day – WW III

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell?”

The barman said, “Yep, that’s them.”

So the guy walked over and said, “Hello. What are you guys doing?”

Bush said, “We’re planning World War III.”

The guy asked, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Bush said, “Well, we’re going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman.”

The guy exclaimed, “Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!”

Bush turned to Powell and said, “See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!”

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