Joke of the Day – Random Funny Stuff

We had gay burgalars once. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

A friend will call you in Jail. A good friend will visit you in Jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you in Jail saying…”THAT WAS AWESOME!”

Blue whales can produce over 400 gallons of sperm in one ejaculation. Only 10% of that makes it to the mate. That means that 360 gallons of sperm are let into the ocean every time a whale ejaculates. Try not to swallow to much ocean water… and maybe females should refrain from swimming… I wonder if they can get pregnant with whale babies??

Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply. Leave good message. Me reply fast. But if me no like you, kiss my ass.

A B C D E F G, Gummie Bears are after me!!!! One is Red, one is Blue, a Yellow one just stole my shoe!

There are three kinds of people in the world… those who can count, and those who can’t.

Only in America do they leave the doors of the bank open, but chain the pens to the desk.

My whipped iced dairy drink brings the attentions of many males to my place of residence and/or employment, and they declare that its quality far surpasses that of yours. Absolutely, it far surpasses yours. I could convey to you the proverbial recipe, but I would have to demand compensation.

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?

One time I tried to drown my fish… It didn’t work too well.

If you are the cable company, I already sent the money. If you are my family, please give me money. If you are my employer, you didn’t pay me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

Dashing through the snow, in a pair of broken skis, screaming as I go, ramming into trees,(boomboomboom) snow is turning red, I think I’m almost dead, someone call an ambulance, ’cause I need a hospital bed. Oh, Jingle bells…

Sorry, but I’m away right now. Please leave your name, phone number, where you live, where you hide your money, and the times in which you’re not home, and I’ll get right back to you.

My doctor is so stupid. He says that I have a condition called ADD. He told me that it stood for Attention Def- Hey look! A butterfly!

Last night, when I was camping, I was looking up at the stars wondering… WHERE THE HECK IS MY CEILING???

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

I am currently alphabetizing my M&M’s. Can you tell me what letter to start with?

My keyboard is racist. It has a +, but no Star of David key.

Booty Shakin* Heart Brakin* Madd Hott* Never stop* Short Skirt* Luv 2 flirt* Tyte Jeans* Curvy Hips* Glossed Lips* High Class* Nice Ass* Bangin Style* Sexy Smile* Luscious Thighs* Candy Eyes* Temptin Lips* KilLa Kiss* Tell me can u handle this?

Searching for friends on EBay!

Downloading life… 30%…60%…90%…Complete. Downloading good looks… 0%….0%….0%….0%… – Geek reality

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT, only takes 4 muscles to bitch-slap that little fuck upside the head.

Beer, Drugs, Rock n Roll – Speed, Weed, Birth Control – Life’s a bitch and then you die, So fuck this shit – let’s get high!

Love is a sensation caused by a temptation for a guy to stick his location into a girl’s destination for a generation and hope for duplication. Do you understand this explanation, or do u need a demonstration?

If you sleep with a girl without protection, you’re having sex with everyone your partner had sex with before. So, if your girlfriend slept with a guy, who slept with your ex g/f, who you slept with, technically you could be screwing yourself.


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