Joke of the Day – An Idiotic List

Joke of the Day – An Idiotic List

IDIOTS AT WORK I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?” Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, “Oh, you mean over by Croatia?”

ADVICE FOR IDIOTS An actual tip from page 16 of the HP “Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees”: “Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: “I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?”

IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

AN IDIOT’S IDIOT Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect was telling a lie. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.


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Joke of the Day – Top 10 reasons why Star Wars is better than Star Trek

Joke of the Day – Top 10 reasons why Star Wars is better than Star Trek

10. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable–after pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.

9. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.

8. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.

7. One word: lightsabers.

6. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I.

5. The Death Star doesn’t care if the Earth is class M or not.

4. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.

3. Picard pilots through the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at one-quarter inpulse power. Han Solo floors it.

2. Aliens have make-up in places other than their foreheads.

1. Death Star vs. Enterprise


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Joke of the Day – Random Funny Stuff

Joke of the Day – Random Funny Stuff

We had gay burgalars once. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

A friend will call you in Jail. A good friend will visit you in Jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you in Jail saying…”THAT WAS AWESOME!”

Blue whales can produce over 400 gallons of sperm in one ejaculation. Only 10% of that makes it to the mate. That means that 360 gallons of sperm are let into the ocean every time a whale ejaculates. Try not to swallow to much ocean water… and maybe females should refrain from swimming… I wonder if they can get pregnant with whale babies??

Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply. Leave good message. Me reply fast. But if me no like you, kiss my ass.

A B C D E F G, Gummie Bears are after me!!!! One is Red, one is Blue, a Yellow one just stole my shoe!

There are three kinds of people in the world… those who can count, and those who can’t.

Only in America do they leave the doors of the bank open, but chain the pens to the desk.

My whipped iced dairy drink brings the attentions of many males to my place of residence and/or employment, and they declare that its quality far surpasses that of yours. Absolutely, it far surpasses yours. I could convey to you the proverbial recipe, but I would have to demand compensation.

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?

One time I tried to drown my fish… It didn’t work too well.

If you are the cable company, I already sent the money. If you are my family, please give me money. If you are my employer, you didn’t pay me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

Dashing through the snow, in a pair of broken skis, screaming as I go, ramming into trees,(boomboomboom) snow is turning red, I think I’m almost dead, someone call an ambulance, ’cause I need a hospital bed. Oh, Jingle bells…

Sorry, but I’m away right now. Please leave your name, phone number, where you live, where you hide your money, and the times in which you’re not home, and I’ll get right back to you.

My doctor is so stupid. He says that I have a condition called ADD. He told me that it stood for Attention Def- Hey look! A butterfly!

Last night, when I was camping, I was looking up at the stars wondering… WHERE THE HECK IS MY CEILING???

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

I am currently alphabetizing my M&M’s. Can you tell me what letter to start with?

My keyboard is racist. It has a +, but no Star of David key.

Booty Shakin* Heart Brakin* Madd Hott* Never stop* Short Skirt* Luv 2 flirt* Tyte Jeans* Curvy Hips* Glossed Lips* High Class* Nice Ass* Bangin Style* Sexy Smile* Luscious Thighs* Candy Eyes* Temptin Lips* KilLa Kiss* Tell me can u handle this?

Searching for friends on EBay!

Downloading life… 30%…60%…90%…Complete. Downloading good looks… 0%….0%….0%….0%… – Geek reality

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT, only takes 4 muscles to bitch-slap that little fuck upside the head.

Beer, Drugs, Rock n Roll – Speed, Weed, Birth Control – Life’s a bitch and then you die, So fuck this shit – let’s get high!

Love is a sensation caused by a temptation for a guy to stick his location into a girl’s destination for a generation and hope for duplication. Do you understand this explanation, or do u need a demonstration?

If you sleep with a girl without protection, you’re having sex with everyone your partner had sex with before. So, if your girlfriend slept with a guy, who slept with your ex g/f, who you slept with, technically you could be screwing yourself.


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