Down in Florida, there’s a little hotel, four floors high. A girl used to take a sunbathe there every day. Since there were no higher hotels near it, she would take off her bathing suit and be in the nude. So she was in the nude and she was lying on her stomach, and she heard someone coming up the steps. She quickly grabbed the towel and put it around her. The man said, “I wish you wouldn’t sunbathe in the nude up here.” She said, “You never protested before.” He said, “No, but I wish you would do it like you did before, in your bathing suit.” She said, “Why do you care? No one can see.” He said, “Madam, you happen to be lying on the skylight of a dining room.”

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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man below says, “Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.” “You must be an engineer!” says the balloonist. “I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”
Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is, I am still lost.”

The man below says, “You must be a manager!” I am replies the balloonist, but how did you know?” “Well,” says the engineer, “You don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow, my fault.”

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If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content

If you drink don’t park, accidents cause people.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

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A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many textures, prints and hues of pink fabrics. Once she has finally picked out a pink floral pattern, the salesman asked her “What sizes do you need?”

She replies “15 inches.”

He exclaims “15 INCHES?! What room are they for?” She says, “I only need one, and it’s not for a room. It’s for my computer monitor.”

The surprised salesman exclaims, “Miss, computers do not have curtains.”

The blond says “HELLOOooooooo…. I’ve got Windows!”

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