Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks hes pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, Hey, Bob! How ya doin?

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

Oh no, says Bob. Hes in my bowling team.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, How did she know that you drink Budweiser?

I recognize her; shes the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?

Bobs wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

Geez, Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.

The funeral for BOB is on Friday.

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An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadnt been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.

One of the women shouted to him, Were not coming out until you leave!

The old man frowned and replied, I didnt come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked. Holding the bucket up he said, Im here to feed the alligator.

Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast!

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Two Arabs are in a locker room taking a shower after their racquetball game, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt.

If you do not mind me saying, said the second, that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?

I can not, lamented the first Arab. It is permanently stuck in my butt.

I do not understand, said the other. The first Arab says, I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in red, white and blue attire, with a white beard and top hat came oozing out. He said, I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.

I said, No shit.

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Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese.”

The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, “Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day.”

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, “I don’t have time for this mess. I gotta go home and scare the cat.”

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