A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and wont eat it if they know what it is, so he doesnt tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, Whats for dinner dad?

Youll see, he replies. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.

Ok, says her dad, Heres a hint. Its what your mother sometimes calls me.

His daughter screams …. Dont eat it, Jimmy! Its a fucking asshole!

……………..

Get some great Gift Ideas at GiftWeblog.com !

A cowgirl walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.

The cowgirl replies, Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that wed drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So Im drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself. The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, I dont want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. Oh, no, everybodys just fine, she explains, Its just that my husband and I joined the church and I had to quit drinking. Hasnt affected my sisters, though.

……………..

Loco Domains has .com domains for only $10.99!

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy whos dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ?

The guy replies, Im Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of New York City.

St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and its the ministers turn. He stands erect and booms out, I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary Church for the last forty-three years.

St Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Just a minute, says the minister. That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?

Up here, we work by results, says Saint Peter. While you preached, people slept, while he drove, people prayed.

……………..

Get bridesmaids gifts and all wedding products at BrightWedding.com

NICKNAMES
1. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
2. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
1. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though its only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
2. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
2. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesnt need but its on sale.

BATHROOMS
1. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
2. The average number of items in the typical womans bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
1. A woman has the last word in any argument.
2. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
1. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
2. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
1. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesnt.
2. A man marries a woman expecting that she wont change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
1. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
2. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
1. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
2. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
1. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
2. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

……………..

Get Target.com Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !