Joke of the Day – The Perfect Day

Perfect Day for a Woman:

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.

8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.

9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.

12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30 lbs.

1:00 Shopping with friends.

3:00 Nap.

4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.

4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage.

5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.

7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00 Hot shower. Alone.

10:30 Make love.

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

Perfect Day for a Man:

8:00 Alarm.

8:01 Blowjob.

8:02 Massive dump while reading the sports section.

8:30 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.

9:00 Limo arrives.

9:02 Bloody Mary en route to airport.

9:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.

9:55 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

10:00 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.

12:00 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.

12:15 Blowjob.

12:16 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.

2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis.

2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.

3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.

4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs.

5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel.

7:00 Watch Sportscenter. CNN Newsflash.

8:00 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz. New York strip.

9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.

10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45 Go to bed (Alone).

11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.

11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep


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