A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost.

After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says Im sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!

Sorry. I didnt realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much, the passenger says.

Its not your fault, replies the cabbie.

Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse.

——-

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A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wifes golf ball……….stuck right in the middle of the cows butt. Thats when I made my mistake.

What did you do? asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
Hey, this looks like yours!
“““““

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