Month: January 2009

486 – The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford.

Obsolete – Any computer you own.

Microsecond – The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3 – Apple’s new Macs that make you say “Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.”

Syntax Error – Walking into a computer store and saying, “Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.”

Hard Drive – The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI – What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced “gooey”)

Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse – An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy – The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer – A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User – Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update – A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

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The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “what is 1 and 1?”
“Eleven,” she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but she’s right.” “What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”

“Today and tomorrow.”

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

“Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

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