Three guys were discussing how drunk they got the night before. The first one says “I was so drunk, I blew chunks all night!” The second one says, “I was so drunk I passed out in an alley!” The third one says “That’s nothing, I got so drunk I brought home this dame I didn’t even know and had sex with her. Then my wife walked in!” The first guy says, “Uh…I don’t think you two understood how drunk I was… Chunks is my dog.”
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Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill
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A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, “Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers.”
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As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I’ve slept with dozens of them.”His wife looked at him calmly and said, “Why do you think I gave you the poison?”
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