Month: April 2009

An elderly woman went to her local doctors office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, Id like to have some birth control pills.

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but youre 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?

The woman replied, They help me sleep better.

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued…. How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?

The woman said, I put them in my granddaughters orange juice, and I sleep better at night.

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John, two days before his scheduled visit to the proctologist, accidentally swallowed his glass eye when he was cleaning it. He was worried at first, but after calling his doctor and learning he probably wont get sick, he ordered another and soon forgot about it.

He arrived for his annual proctology exam on time, and was soon called into the doctors examining room. After undressing, John follows his instructions and bends over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he took a peek up the mans butt was his glass eye staring right back at him!

You know John, said the doctor, youre really going to have to learn to trust me.

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Two blonde chicks were building a house together. One blonde was cutting the wood and the other was on a ladder nailing. Before hammering in a nail; the blonde on the ladder would reach into her nail pouch, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to hammer it into the wood.

The other blonde, confused, watched her do this and after she could take it no longer yelled up, Why the %@#& are you throwing some of the nails away?! Whoa! Dont yell! the blonde on the ladder explained, If its pointed toward me when I pull it out of my pouch, I throw it away. If its pointed toward the house, then I can use it safely! Duh!

The second blonde became irate at this point and started to call her all kinds of names, referencing how stupid she was and how she was the reason blondes get a bad rap for being dumb. She explained the importance of keeping all the nails, Dont throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! Theyre for the other side of the house! Duh!

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A wife was begining to worry about her and her husbands non-existant sex life. So one afternoon the woman decided to ask her friend for some advice on how to put the spark back into her marriage.

Her friend gave her some advice that always worked with her own husband. She told the woman that every day before her husband was due back home from work, she puts on her birthday suit and waits at the top of the stairs for him to arrive. when he does, he sees her and cannot resist her and they have wild passionate sex.

The woman ran home and immediately, put on her birthday suit and waited at the top of the stairs for her husband. Within time her husband arrived through the door, looked at her and said what on earth are you doing?

The wife replied its my birthday suit, dont you like it?

The husband responded you could have ironed it first

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