Joke of the Day – Flea Joke

Joke of the Day – Flea Joke

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.

Oscar, what happened to you?, asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.

I got a ride down here in some guys mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off, wheezed Oscar.

Let me give you a tip, old pal, said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?

So you can imagine the fleas surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar – looking more chilled and miserable than before.

Listen, said Oscar, I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off.

And so? asked the first flea.

And so the next thing I know, Im on this guys mustache again!


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Joke of the Day – Dieting Tips

Joke of the Day – Dieting Tips

Finally, after all these years of trying yo-yo diets…. phentermine, hoodia, cialis (no wait thats for erectile dysfunction)…. finally some diet tips that actually work. Enjoy feeling better about yourself.

1. If no one sees you eat it – it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count if you both eat the same amount.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes never counts such as: hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sarah Lee cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you – then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods dont count because they are simply part of the entire entertainment experience and not part of ones personal fuel; such as Milk Duds, popcorn with extra butter, and Junior Mints.


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