Joke of the Day – 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

“””””

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Joke of the Day – Tampons, Yea Thatd Be Fun

A couple of older bums are relaxing on a park bench, bored out of their minds. Theyre not the brightest of crayons, but are known to be pretty resourceful – especially when bored.

So one of them says to the other, What are we gonna do today?

Tampon JokeThe other replies, Well, how much money have you got?

They both rummage through their pockets, emptying several days worth of lint and toothpics, managing to put together about four dollars and some change.

The first one says, We cant do much with 4 bucks. Maybe we should just go home?

The other, excited, replies, Nah! Lets go buy a box of tampons!

Tampons? What are we gonna do with tampons?

Havent you seen those TV commercials? With tampons we can run, and hike and swim, even go dancing. We need some tampons!

“““““

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Joke of the Day – Three Men And A River

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: God, please give me the strength to cross the river Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

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Joke of the Day – A Wifes Special Birthday Present

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, Hey, John! How ya doin? His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before. Oh, no, says John. Hes on my bowling team.

When they are seated, a waitress asks John if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,How did she know that you drink Budweiser? Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, and says Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy? Johns wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, John.

“““““

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