Joke of the Day – White House
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Joke of the Day – White House

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush.”

The Marine replied, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn’t reside here.”
The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush”.

The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn’t reside here.”
The man thanked him and again walked away . . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush.”

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already several times that Mr. Bush is not the President anymore and doesn’t reside here. Don’t you understand?”

The old man answered, “Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow”

“““““

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Joke of the Day – Bartender
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Joke of the Day – Bartender

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”

The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.

“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.

The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”

“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.

“Like what?” asked the bartender.

“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.

The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.

“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”

“““““

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Joke of the Day – Two hunters
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Joke of the Day – Two hunters

Two hunters are out in the woods and all of sudden one of them collapses. And he looks like he’s not breathing and his friend thinks he’s dead.
So he pulls out his cell phone and he calls emergency services and he says to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
And the operator says: “OK, calm down, calm down. I can help you. Um, now first, just make sure he’s dead.”
And then there’s a silence on the phone. And then there’s a shot. Bang!
And then the guy says: “OK, what next”.

“““““

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Joke of the Day – not having sex
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Joke of the Day – not having sex

A woman was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time.
She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate.
In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time
to see a doctor. Looking thru the phone book, she came upon a
Chinese sex therapist named Dr. Chang.

When the woman arrived, she told the doctor her symptoms and
he said, “Take off all your clothes and you crawl real fass away
from me across the froor.”

She crawled to the other side of the room and Dr. Chang said,
“Now…you crawl real fass back to me,” and she did.
Dr. Chang shook his head and said, “you haf real bad case of
Ed Zachary disease….worse case I ever see!
That why you haf sex probrem.”

The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor exactly what Ed Zachary Disease was and he replied,

“Ed Zachary Disease….that when your face rook ED-ZACHARY rike your ass!”

“““““

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