A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”

The fellow replies, “Well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”

The man stops crying and says, “That sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. “What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks.

The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!”

The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “Why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back.”The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves.

A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. “I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and… it… it… grew back!”

The bartenter, now furious at the guy’s general stupidity, yells, “For crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller than the other one!” The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. “It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”

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One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

”It’s supposed to be a tiger!” Sally cried.

”Honey,” said Dan, “Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!”

“““““

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If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it will always be yours.

If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.

But… if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.

“““““

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There was a man who was always late for work because of the rush hour traffic. On this particular day, he comes up to a stop sign, slows down, and then goes though it.

A cop pulls him over.. “What are you stopping me for?” the man asked.

The cop said, ” You did not come to a stop at that stop sign.”

“I did to, I slowed down, and that is the same thing as stopping,” the man retorted.

“No it isn’t and here is a ticket to prove it,” the cop responded.

The next day, the same man rolls up to the stop sign, slows down, and then goes through it. Again the same cop pulls him over.

“You just ran that stop sign!” he barked.

“I did not,” the man shouted,” I slowed down and that is the same thing as stopping!”

“No it isn’t,” the cop shouted back, “And here is a second ticket to prove it!”

The very next day, same man rolls up to the stop sign, slows down, then goes through it. The same cop pulls him over.

“You again, you just ran that stop sign!” he roared.

“I did not!” the man shouted back,” I SLOWED DOWN and that is the same thing as STOPPING!”

“No it isn’t, and here is a third ticket to prove it!”

On his way back home from work that night, he rolls up to the stop sign, slows down and then goes through it.

The same cop has had it. He grabs the man through the drivers window, and starts hitting him with his billy club.

“Now do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?!!”

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