Joke of the Day – Expecting A Baby

For weeks a 6-year old Little Kevin kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed Little Kevin to feel the movements of the unborn child.

Little Kevin was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, Kevin, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?

Little Kevin burst into tears and confessed, I think Mommy ate it!

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Joke of the Day: Meaning of… ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’

A Little Mikey went up to his father and asked him, “Dad, what is the difference between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?”

The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”

So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars?”

The mother replied, “Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!”

The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars?”

The girl replied, “Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Johnny Depp and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?”

The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Johnny Depp for a million dollars?”

“Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?”

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?”

The boy replied, “Yes, ‘Potentially’, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but ‘realistically’, we’re living with two hookers and a future congressman.”

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Joke of the Day: 4 Catholic women

4 Catholic women are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.

The second Catholic woman says, Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, , Your Grace.

The third Catholic woman smugly said, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say Your Eminence.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women giver her this subtle Well….?

She replies, My son is a gorgeous, 6’5″ body-building male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say, Oh my God…

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Joke of the Day: Henry wakes up with a hangover

Henry McQuay wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his companys Christmas Party. Henry is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didnt taste like alcohol at all. He didnt even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Henry had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Henry sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Lisa

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Henry asks, Son…. What happened last night?

Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??

His son replies, Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, Leave me alone, Im married!!

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

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