A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

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A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?”

Teacher:” Of course not.”

Student: “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”

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There are two farmers in a small village.They have been togeather since childhood.They say they are very close friends.They are both married but only one of them has children.The other one is suffering very much from having none.So the other day the poor one comes to his friend and asks him to have a serious talk.He explains his unfortune and suggests his friend to have an intercourse with his wife in hoping to get her pregnant.

They fix a day and time.One morning his friend comes over and he is met by his friend at the entrance of his house.The poor guy looks very nervous and smokes one cigarette after another. He lets his friend in and waits outside.

After a short while the door opens and the man comes out looks a bit discontent. What’s up?-asks the other. Don’t ask,I was not in a good mood, so she just did me a blowjob.

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A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour, what the camel was for.

The Sargent replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”

The Captain said, “Well, if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me.”
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sargent, “BRING ME THE CAMEL!!!”

The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain’s quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”

The Sargent replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”

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