Joke of the Day: The Burglar
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Joke of the Day: The Burglar

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, “Jesus is watching you!”

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

“Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again.

The robber stopped deadagain. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, “Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?”

“Yes,” said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, “What’s your name?”

“Clarence,” said the bird.

“That’s a stupid name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?”

The parrot said, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Joke of the Day: Vacation
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Joke of the Day: Vacation

Billy Ray and Bubba were talking one afternoon when Billy Ray tells
Bubba, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this
year I’m gonna do it a little different!

The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years
ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Betty Ann got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Betty Ann got
pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Betty Ann
didn’t get pregnant again.”

Bubba asks Billy Ray, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s
different?”

Billy Ray says, “This year I’m taking Betty Ann with me.”

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Mother of Six
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Joke of the Day: Mother of Six

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. In fact, he is so proud of himself and his ability to impregnate that he starts referring to his wife as “Mother of Six” despite her constant objections.

One night, they get a chance to leave the kids behind with a sitter and go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home, Mother of Six?”

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four.”

“““““

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Joke of the Day: An artist
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Joke of the Day: An artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor…”

“““““

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