A divorce court judge said to the husband,

“Mr Geraghty, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week.”

“That’s very fair,your honour,” he replied. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”

“““““

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls.

He turns to the bartender and says, “Boy, I wish I could do that.”

The Bartender replies, “You’d better try petting him first.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather tentatively.

“I would like it infrequently “, she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, “Is that one word or two?”

“““““

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(Little Johnny arrives at school 30 minutes late)

teacher asked : Why are you late for school?

Johnny: Because of the Sign.

Teacher : What Sign?

Johnny : The sign that says “School ahead go slow”

“””””

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