Month: November 2011

A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased.

“This horse is great! From now on I’ll always take this one” said the first cop.

“My horse’s great too. So I’ll always take it” replied the second cop.

“But how do we know which is which?”

They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea.

“Lets cut off this ones tail”

The other cop agreed and the horse lost it’s tail. The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses
and looks really mad. The two cops see this and ask whats wrong.

“You two morons cut off the horses tail that’s what’s wrong!”

“But otherwise we couldn’t tell them apart.”

“Can’t you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one.?!”

“““““

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
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It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: “I’m here to put you into a trance;
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.”
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. “I want you each to keep your eye on
this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It’s been in my family for
six generations”

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. . .”

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth,
light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the
swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and
fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

“SHIT!” said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.

“““““

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A dude takes his hot blonde girlfriend to a pro football game for the first time.

After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.

Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn’t understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.

Suprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?

The blonde girlfriend replied, all they kept screaming was: “Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!”

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