Joke of the Day: Amish in the mall
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Joke of the Day: Amish in the mall

An Amish boy named Abram and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

Abram asked, “What is this, Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While Abram and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, ugly old lady moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady walked between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 23-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to Abram, “Go get your mother.”

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Joke of the Day: Tennis Ball
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Joke of the Day: Tennis Ball

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A Blonde Girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

“What’s that ?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.

“Oh,” said the Blonde Girl sympathetically, “That must be painful…. I had tennis elbow once.”

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Joke of the Day: Cut off all 10 fingers
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Joke of the Day: Cut off all 10 fingers

Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidently cut off all ten off his fingers.

He vent to da emergency room at da Clinic and vhen he got dere da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, “Let’s haf da fingers and I’ll see vhat I can do.”

Ole said, “I hafn’t got da fingers.”

“Vhat do you mean, you hafn’t got da fingers?” the doctor cried. “Yumpin’ yiminy! It’s 2012! Ve got microsurgery and all kinds off incredible techniques. I could haf put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn’t you bring da fingers?”

To vhich Ole replied…

“How da fock was I suppose to pick’em up?”

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Joke of the Day: stranded on an island
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Joke of the Day: stranded on an island

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.” So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.” So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.

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