Dugly guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a freakin’ checking account.”

To which the bank teller replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you just say?”

“God damn it, listen up lady, I said I want to open a freakin’ checking account right now.”

“Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!” The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.

They both returned and the manager asked, “What seems to be the problem here?”

“There’s no damn problem,” Dugly says, “I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin checking account in this damn bank!”

“I see sir,” the manager said, “and this bitch is giving you a hard time?”

“““““

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This farmer had an old rooster and he thought it might be time to get a new young rooster to service his hens. He got himself a new rooster and let him loose with the old rooster. The young rooster went right over to the old rooster and challenged him to a fight. The old rooster said, “Sonny, I’m too old to fight. Just follow me around, and I’ll show you the place.” The young rooster agreed and started to follow the old rooster around. The old rooster showed him the barn, then the hen house…then started to run. The young rooster thought the old rooster was trying to pull a quick one, so he chased after him madly.

All of a sudden, there came a loud “Bang!” and there stood the farmer, muttering “Dangit, that’s the third gay rooster I’ve had to kill this month.”

“““““

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A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?” The sergeant replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel.” The captain said, “Well, if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me.” After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!” The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain’s quarters. The captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”

The sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”

——-

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Phil was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, “I’m going to give you some suppositories. I’ll insert one now, and then I’ll give you another one for later this evening.”

Later that evening, Phil asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, Phil shrieks, “AAaahhhhh!”

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” she asks.

“No… I just realized hat the doctor had *both* his hands on my shoulders!”

~~~~~~~~

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