Joke of the Day: Lizard,Monkey & Alligator

A lizard was walking through the forest one day, bored out of his mind. While on the path, he looks up and sees his friend, the monkey, hanging from a tree with his eyes completely shut. The lizard yells “Hey Monkey!”

The monkey wakes up suddenly and replies “Oh hey dude! What are you doing?” “Nothing at all, I don’t have anything to do,” the lizard replied. The monkey says “Dude, I got some of the best pot today. Come up here and smoke some with me!”

The lizard climbed up the tree and smokes with the monkey. After two hours of getting stoned and laughing at silly things, the lizard gets a bad case of cotton mouth. “Hey Monkey,” said the lizard, “I’m so thirsty. I’m going to the river for a drink.” The lizard stumbles out of the tree and gets back on the path towards the river.

He gets to the river and begins to drink. He sees his own reflection in the river. Startled by it, he falls in! Too stoned to swim, all he can do is struggle to get out. And that’s when he feels himself get pulled out by something. The lizard is lying on his back, looking up at a large alligator who just saved his life.

“Hey Lizard!” said the alligator. “What were you doing in the river?”

“I was thirsty man. Dude, Monkey has some amazing pot! You should go smoke some with him!” the lizard proclaimed as he pointed the alligator towards the path into the forest.

And so the alligator is walking through the forest when he sees a monkey dangling from a tree, completely passed out. The alligator looks up and yells “Hey Monkey!”

The monkey wakes up suddenly, looks down for a few seconds and says “Dude, how much water did you drink?”


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Joke of the Day: Overturned Wagon

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. “Hey Willis!!” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon back up.” “That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”

“Nonsense, come on!” the farmer insisted. “Well, okay,” the boy finally agreed, “but Pa won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish!” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is your Pa?”

“Under the wagon.”


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Joke of the Day: At the pharmacy

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license. They’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”


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Joke of the Day: Three old ladies

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench talking amongst themselves when a flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

The first old lady had a stroke. Then the second old lady had a stroke. But the third old lady . . . she couldn’t reach that far.


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