Month: June 2013

Six retired Floridian men were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Mr. Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Mr. Jones looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna tell his wife?

They cut the cards. Mr. Miller picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.”

Mr. Miller goes over to the Smiths condo and knocks on the door.

Mrs. Smith answers through the door and asks what he wants?

Mr. Miller says: “Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is really afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” yells the wife.

“I’ll go tell him.” says Mr. Miller.

——-

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A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.

She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady,

‘Do you have a vagina?’

She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman,

‘Do you have a vagina?’

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice,

‘Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.’

The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice,

‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.’

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question;

‘Do you have vagina’?

‘Yes, actually I have one,’ she says. The man replies..

‘Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours?’

“““““

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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.” While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady limping slightly with a cane slowly walks up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady walks between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched, small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, “Go get your Mother.”

“““““

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