Two men are working by the side of the road.
One digs a hole and the other fills it back up.
They do this several times until an old lady, who has been watching them, comes over and asks “What in the world are you two doing?”
One of the workers replies, “We work for the city, the guy that plants the trees is off sick today.”
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A guy gets sent to prison. His first day in the yard they are told to walk in a circle, no talking allowed between the prisoners. After a few minutes somebody yells “16” and the whole yard errupts with laughter. They continue walking in circles when someone else shouts out “54” and again everybody starts dying laughing. The new guy, being confused, whispers to the guy in front, “Hey whats with the numbers?” The other prisoner tells him , “well since we arent allowed to speak to one another we’ve memorized jokes and assigned numbers to them all. When somebody shouts out a number, we think of the joke and then laugh”.
“Finally the new guy decides to make his mark, “18” he yells…and the entrie courtyard bursts into laughter! People rolling on the ground, tears streaming, and uncontrollable laughter.
When everything calmed down, the new guy asked the man in front of him, “Why did everyone laugh so much harder at that one?”
The convict replies, “We’ve never heard that one before!”
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So a three masted sailing ship is leaving port. Just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down “Sir! There’s an enemy ship on the horizon!”
The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts “Bring me my red shirt!”
After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships close to fighting range and fight all day, with many heroics on both sides, but with the captain and his red shirt standing alive and victorious as the other ship sinks behind them in the sunset light.
Later that night the cabin boy is curious and asks the captain why he needed his red shirt, and the captain replies “Well, with my red shirt on, none of the men would see me bleeding if I was wounded, and so they would not lose heart and continue to fight on to victory!”
The cabin boy thinks that’s pretty clever and goes to bed for the night.
The next day, the captain is standing on the deck as they sail along when the lookout shouts down “Sir! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!”
And the captain turns to his cabin boy and says “Bring me my brown pants!”
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