A tourist walks into an English pub.
While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent.
He walks up to them and says:
“Excuse me, I can’t quite put my finger on your accent — are you two ladies from Ireland?”
They get outraged and snap back: “It’s Wales, you idiot!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?”
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An old farmer was walking down the path to the pond when he spotted a bullfrog.
He reached down and grabbed the frog and started to put him in his pocket when the bullfrog said, “Kiss me on the lips and I will turn into a beautiful farmers wife.”
Again the old farmer started to put the frog in his pocket.
The frog asked, “Didn’t you hear what I said?”
The farmer looked at the frog and said,” At my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”
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A man had a girlfriend named Wendy. He decided to get a tattoo of her name on his penis. When erect, it read “Wendy”, and when flaccid, all you saw was “W” and “Y”.
Out for dinner one day, he excused himself to the bathroom and went to the urinal, next to him was a Jamaican man. The man took a gander at the Jamaican’s member and realized it had “W” and “Y” tattoo’d on it as well.
He looked at him and said: “So you’re girlfriend’s name is also Wendy?”
The Jamaican replied: “Nah man, it says: Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.
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A man in his 20’s and a few of his friend were at a bar for drinks when a lady in her mid to late 40’s started to buy him drinks. Throughout the coarse of the night she kept insisting he go back to her place just around the corner. The man was reluctant but his friends were encouraging him to do it and in a final attempt to lure him back the lady offered him some mother daughter action if he joins her. Know all excited he follows the lady’s lead back to her house. Once home she proceeds to light some candles and put some sensual music on and then started passionately kissing him. The man thinks he has been tricked when the lady stops and says I’m forgetting something, she walks over to the stairs and yells out to up stairs hey mom I’ve got one.
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