The richest man in the world decides he wants to be blessed by the Pope at the Vatican. So he travels to Rome, gets in his finest suit, and goes to the Vatican to view the morning papal procession.

Sure enough, the Pope moves through the throng of people, and the man is close enough to stick out his hand for the Pope to take it, but the Pope moves right past him to stop in front of a dirty, ragged beggar a few feet away. The Pope takes the beggar’s hand, whispers into his ear, and proceeds to walk away.

“Of course!” the rich man thought. “He’s not going to stop for me if I’m dressed like this!”

The rich man follows the beggar as he leaves. Stopping the beggar in an alley, the rich man offers the beggar $1,000.00 if he’ll trade clothes with him. The beggar agrees, and the two exchange outfits.

That afternoon, there is to be another papal procession. The rich man, now dressed like the beggar, moves to the front of the crowd and waits. The Pope comes back through the crowd, and according to plan, heads right for him. The Pope takes his hand, leans down, and whispers in his ear.

“I told you once already: I never want to see you in here again….”

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The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.

“She is beautiful”, said Kate.

“My dogs are fat”, shouted Mark.

“I is…”, stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.

“You always say ‘I am’. Never say ‘I is'”, said she.

As fast as he could, Joe uttered,

“I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

——-

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A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down.

This goes on for awhile before his wife yells from the front door, “you need more tail!”

The father turns to his son and says, “I’ll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite.”

——-

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Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip. That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, “my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners.” The Rabbi says “my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes steal from the Temple.” The Islamic imam says, “my sin is gluttony. At least once a week I go to the liquor store for a six-pack and then head to McDonalds in the middle of the night and get a big bag of Big Macs, Bacon cheese burgers and fries and eat and drink it all while sitting in the parking lot.” The Baptist minister says, “My greatest sin is gossip and I can’t wait to get back to town!”

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