As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces.
“If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”
She removes all her clothing and asks
“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says
“Here, iron this!”
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A Marine received a “Dear John” letter from his girlfriend back home…
It read as follows:
Ray,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I’m really sorry.
Love, Sarah
P.S. Please return the picture you have of me
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 54 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Sarah, along with this letter:
Sarah,
I can’t quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.
——-
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Take care, Ray
A wife asks her husband if she were to die, would he remarry? Her husband says “yes I would remarry I like living a married life and spending time with someone else.
The wife gets uncomfortable and proceeds to ask ” well would you let her live in our house?” And the husband says “yes I’d let her live here there’s nothing wrong with this house.” That worried the wife more, so then she asks “well would you let her sleep in our bed?” And the husband says “yes I like my bed and I don’t want to get rid of it I’d let her sleep in it.”
This only makes the wife more worried so she feels compelled to say “well at least promise me you will never let her use my golf clubs.” The husband say “don’t worry she will never use your clubs, she’s left handed.”
——-
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An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him. The woman asks the man, “How would you like to get out of here?” and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far.
He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly.
The woman speaks up and says “I’m a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service.” The man is stunned and saddened that she didn’t really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies “I’m a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back.”
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