A man walks into a bar, and stays there for my entire childhood.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

I was wondering where the sun was, but then it dawned on me.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I’d like to tell you a story about my dick, but its too long.

I’d like to tell you a joke about my vag, but you wont get it.

My ex still misses me, but her aim is getting better

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

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