Gorilla at the zoo
description

Gorilla at the zoo

So a gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.

Quickly, the new “gorilla” becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the “Human-like” gorilla.

About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him.

A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lions den.

The man starts screaming “HELP!! HELP!!!” Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, “Shut the fuck up right now or you’re going to get us both fired.”

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Drank to much at bar
description

Drank to much at bar

Man goes out drinking at a bar and he gets so shitfaced that his wife has to go pick him up. They get home, he pukes up the stairs, and all the way to bed. Wife finally gets him stripped, showered and in bed. Man wakes up in the morning, and has only vague memories of going out the night before.

On the nightstand is a red rose. He carefully ventures downstairs and finds a pristeen house, and a hot breakfast on the counter with his name beside it. His wife is no where to be found. His son comes into the room, and the man says “I suppose Mum is royally pissed, but what’s all this?” Son says “Mum’s thrilled. You puked like a rookie, fell down the stairs twice, broke her antique end table, shoved her, and threw up on the floor on the way out of the shower.” Man says “So WHY is Mum thrilled??” Son says “Well, when Mum tried to get you into bed, you shoved her onto the floor screaming ‘Fuck off, you! I’m married!!”

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