Month: June 2017

Four professionals are interviewing for a math-intensive position in a company. The shortlist of applicants includes a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and an accountant.

To begin each interview, the representative from HR poses a simple math problem to warm up the candidates. What is 45+18?

The mathematician immediately responds “63”.

The physicist responds “63, plus or minus 5%”.

The engineer thinks for a moment and responds “63, but for safety, let’s call it 70”.

The accountant shuts the door, checks over his shoulder, leans in close to the desk, and whispers “how much do you want it to be?”

“““““

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A young man stopped at a local restaurant after a day of roaming around in Spain

While sipping his coffee, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.

It looked good.

It smelled good.

He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?”

The waiter replied, “Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!”

The visitor, though momentarily daunted, said, “What the heck, I’m on holiday down here! Bring me an order!”

The waiter replied, “I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!”

The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and then that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, “These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!”

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull he wins.”

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It’s an old man’s birthday. He’s wandering around the nursing home in his birthday hat, blowing his noisemaker, laughing, and loving life.

He sees one of the other residents and walks into his room.

“Hey, Bill! Guess how old I am today!”

Grumpy old Bill doesn’t even look up. “No. Go away.”

“C’mon, ya old grump, it’s my birthday! Guess how old I am today!”

Bill still hasn’t looked up. “I don’t know, 100.”

“Nope, I’m 95! Wheeeee!” And he shuffles off.

He continues down the hall to the next room and sees another resident.

“Hey, Cathrine! Guess how old I am today!”

Cathrine squints through her thick glasses and says, “Okay, come closer.”

The old man steps up to Cathrine and Cathrine reaches her hand down his pajama pants. She fondles his old balls for about 30 seconds, pulls her hand back out and says, “You’re 95.”

The old man says, “How in the hell did you know that?”

“I heard you tell Bill.”

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A woman is dating this man who won’t commit. Her mother says, “Next time you make love, when you are done, snuggle up to him and say, ‘What are we going to name the baby.’ That will make him think about having a family.”

So sure enough, after the deed, she burrows into his shoulder and says, “What are we going to name the baby?”

He pulled his condom off, knotted it, and threw it into the trash bin. “If he can get out of that, we’ll call the little fucker Houdini.”

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