A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were in the county jail when they decided to break out.

The 3 girls broke out and the redhead said, “Let’s hide in that big reb barn, they won’t find us.”

So they went in the barn and climed up the ladder and then the redhead threw it down.

The next morning, the cops said, “Come out with your hands in the air!”

The redhead said, “Hide in those baskets, they’ll never find us!”

So the Brunette got in the first one, the redhead got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one.

Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there.

Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.

So the cop kicked the first one: “RUFF.”

“It’s just a damn dog!” yelled the cop.

The cop kicked the next one: “MEOW.”

“It’s just a damn cat,” yelled the cop.

The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, “POTATOES!”

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On their first commercial flight together two blonde pilots, best friends for years, are finally flying together after years of being co-pilots for more experienced captains. The cockpit was finally theirs.

The flight goes very smoothly and they congratulate each other as they are coming into land.

As they approach the runway it is obvious they are going much too fast. The back wheels of the plane barely touch asphalt before they leave then airstrip entirely, the plane barreling through tall grass until they crash directly into the side of the airport.

Clearing debris from her face the pilot says to her co-pilot “Oh my god… Did you see that? That runway was way too short!”

“Yeah, but it must’ve been 2 miles wide!”

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A man was riding on a bus minding his own business when a beautiful woman with huge natural breasts sits next to him starts breastfeeding her baby.

The baby wouldn’t take it, so the mom says, “Come on sweetie, drink it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”

Five minutes later, the baby was still not drinking her milk, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give
it to this nice man here.”

A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out:

“Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”

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So Mrs. Miller is a 3rd grade English teacher, and each Monday she gives her students a new vocabulary word. The students’ task is to come up with a sentence using the new vocabulary word by the following day. This week the word is “contagious.”

So Tuesday morning rolls around and Mrs. Miller starts off: “OK class, who wants to share the sentence they came up with using the word ‘contagious’?”

Everyone’s hands shoot up. Mrs. Miller says “Oh my goodness, I love the enthusiasm, but we only have time for 3 pupils to share.”

Mrs. Miller first calls on Suzy. Suzy responds with the sentence “My Dad has had the flu for the past week! My mother says not go near him because he is contagious!” Mrs. Miller applauds Suzy and gives her a gold star for the day.

Mrs. Miller then says “OK class, who wants to share next?” Again everyone’s hands shoot up. “Heather!” Mrs. Miller exclaims, “why don’t you share your sentence with the class?” Heather responds: “I went to see the Minion movie last weekend, and this old man kept laughing so loudly, and whenever he laughed, I laughed as well. His laugh was so contagious!” Mrs. Miller applauds Heather and gives her a gold star for the day.

Mrs. Miller then states “OK class, we have time for one more student to share their sentence.” Once again everyone’s hand shoots up. Mrs. Miller spots little Liam in the back of the classroom raising his hand, and, being a foreign exchange student from Dublin, he had a brogue which made him self conscious of speaking in class. He rarely spoke in class so Mrs. Miller jumped at the opportunity for him to participate. Mrs. Miller immediately called on little Liam: “Ah, Liam! What sentence would you like to share with us today?”

Liam responds: “Oh ya see, me and me father like to go on walks every now and again. Well last week we were going for a walk around our neighborhood, ya see, and we spot this woman. She’s painting her picket fence with a beautiful coat of white, but for some reason, she’s using this wee little paint brush. My father he says to me ‘now why is that woman painting that fence with such a wee little brush? That’s gonna take the cunt ages!'”

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