Month: April 2018

He’s having trouble making up his mind which one he wants to marry, so he gives each of them $5,000. The first girlfriend went out and got herself a complete makeover. She told him, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.”

The second went shopping and bought the man new golf clubs, an iPad, and an 80-inch flatscreen television. She said “I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much.”

The third woman took the $5,000 and invested it it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned $5,000 to the man and re-invested the rest. She said, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.”

The man thought long and hard about how each of his girlfriends had spent the money, and then he decided to marry the one with the biggest boobs.

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A bus full of politicians crashes in a big deserted area. There was only one man that could see the accident. The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goes to take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way.

Half & hour later a policeman knocks on his door and asks “Where are the people involved in crash?” The farmer says “Don’t worry they were all dead so I buried them.” The policeman gets confused and asks if he is 100% sure and farmer replies “Yeah some of them said things like “I’m alive, please stop!” but you know the politicians right? They are all fucking liars…!

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A gay couple (Jay and Sebastian) is traveling on a plane.

“What if we had sex?” asks Jay.

“Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it…”

“Nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!”

Jay stands up and asks loudly:

“Could I have a napkin, please?”

Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc. Flight attendants pretend to not hear them, as they also don’t give a damn.

“They really wouldn’t care then, would they?” says Sebastian.

So Jay and Sebastian have wild sex on the plane.

Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth.

“Sir, you should’ve asked for a bag!”

“I didn’t dare” whispers the old man. “A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a napkin and he got fucked in the ass…”

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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

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