Month: September 2018

An American, A Canadian and a Japanese man were stranded in a deserted island in middle of no where. They understood that until rescues arrived, they will need to work together in order to stay alive on the island. So they decided to divide up the tasks.

The American points to the Canadian and says: “you will be in charge of building and maintaining a fire”, the Canadian nods. Then he points to the Japanese and says: “you will be in charge of supplies.”, the Japanese nods. “And I will be in charge of building shelters, we will meet back here by sunset”. They agreed and went off their own ways.

By sunset, the American has built this beautiful sturdy shelter, enough for 3 plus more. The Canadian created a big steady camp fire all ready to cook whatever they got. But the Japanese is no where to be found. After a few more hours, night falls and there were still no signs of the Japanese.

They got worried and decided to go into the forest to look for him. They inch slowly towards the forest with cautions because they don’t know what wild beasts roam at night. As soon as they stepped into the forest, a bush rustles, and out jumped the Japanese man screaming “SURPRISE!!!”

——-

.site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day. The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

“Do you know what I do for a living?”

She nods. “You’re a fisherman, right?”

“Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as many as possible, we’ve streamlined the process and now everyone involved is heavily specialized. There are people who spend their whole day throwing lines out. They just move from line to line, throwing it out and moving on. Then there are other people who keep their eyes on a bunch of lines, and when a fish tugs on one, they run over and jerk the line to hook the fish. All day, just hooking fish after fish. Then they move on, and someone else comes up and reels the fish in. Then someone else collects the fish, and someone else carries them to the warehouse to be gutted. Etc, etc, etc.”

“That seems like it would be tedious. How do you decide which job you want? Do you just end up doing whatever you started with until you quit?”

“Well, no. Everyone starts by hooking the fish. Not many people really like that job, so everyone has to start there. After you’ve been at it for a while, if a position opens up somewhere else, you can spend a few days trying out casting or reeling. The jobs that pay the best, the ones that everybody wants, are baiting and gutting the fish. Gutting isn’t pleasant, but the pay is good and you can work indoors.”

She thinks about that for a minute, then nods. “Okay, so what do you do?”

“Me? I’m a baiter. Have been for years!” Uncle Tim is clearly proud of himself. “Not only that, but I’m at the top of the game. See how there are people fishing all up and down here?

Well, what you probably don’t realize is that you have to earn your position. Newbies and people who aren’t good at their job start out here on the street. If you’re good enough, though, you can earn a spot working on the pier, where they get twice as many fish. And if you’re a master of your specialty, you can get a place out there at the very end. That’s where they catch the most and the best fish, and that’s where I work!”

The girl doesn’t find this very interesting, but she goes out with her uncle and watches and helps for a few hours at the end of the pier. She hates it. The bate is disgusting, the hooks keep on pricking her. It’s miserable. About halfway through the day, though a spot opens up out on the street, and she jumps at the chance to get away from her Uncle’s prized job.

That night, at dinner, her mother asks, “So, how was your day with your uncle? Where did you go? What did you learn?”

She thinks for a minute before replying: “We went to the shore today, and I learned one thing for certain. I’d rather be a lowly street hooker than spend the rest of my life as a master baiter like Uncle Tim.”

——-

.site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A noble goes hunting with his servant. They haven’t gotten far from house when noble realizes that ground is muddy and ruining his shoes.

He tells servant: “I’m going to wait here, run back to house and bring me my riding boots”.
Servant, seizing the moment, runs into house and into noble’s daughter’s bedroom.

“My lady, your father ordered me to make love to you”. Daughter agrees. When he’s done, servant runs to the wife of the noble.

“My apologies, but your husband ordered me to satisfy both you and your daughter. It’s your turn”.

Lady of the house doesn’t believe a word. So servant opens a window and yells to noble so everyone could hear:

“Did you say just one or both?”

“What the fuck is taking so long? You goddamn halfwit! Of course both!”

——-

.site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com