A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing.

The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes. ‘You forgot to account for wind. Give it here’, he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right.

Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells “We got him!”

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A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.
The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied: “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will if those lazy assholes from Lowe’s ever deliver the goddamn drywall.”

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A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:30 p.m. when he found the CFO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CFO, “this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly!” said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CFO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, “I just need one more copy.”

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A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.

The man asks the woman why she’s so down and she replies, “My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed.”

“What a conicidence” he said. “My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too.”
They start talking and after a few more drinks they decide to go to the woman’s apartment for some kinky sex.

When they arrive at her apartment she tells him she needs a few minutes so she can slip into something more uncomfortable. She comes out of the bathroom with a tight black leather outfit, holding a whip and handcuffs. Then she hurries into the kitchen and comes out with tabasco sauce, whipped cream and a rolling pin.

She notices that the man is putting on his coat and is walking towards the door to leave.
“What’s going on?” she asks. “I thought you wanted to get kinky?”

He turns around and says, “I just fucked your dog and shat in your purse. I’m all done.”

“““““

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