He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says “We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world.”

The Genie goes “poof” and suddenly the man’s face assumes a serene expression. He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he looks towards the genie and says, “I should have taken the money”.

“““““

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A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.

The kids start goofing around while she’s talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, “Billy! Stop doing that! Or else!” All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, “Did you really name all 15 of your boys Billy?”

“Yup,” says the woman. “Makes it easier than trying to remember who’s who every damn time.”

“But what if you only want to talk to one of them for some reason?” the waitress asks.

“Well, then I just call them by their last names.”

“““““

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A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

About 15 students raise their hand.

“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”

Way in the back, Hamid raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Hamad, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”

Hamad replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats.”

“““““

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Nolan is 78 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Nolan, “your brother is 82. He can’t help.”

“He may be 82,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day Nolan heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” Answers the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” Nolan asks.

“I don’t remember.”

“““““

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