Month: March 2019

Dugly the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen because her perfect tits. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Dugly revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King’s chief doctor. Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Dugly to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause Dugly readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Dugly would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Dugly to their chambers.

Horatio then slipped Dugly the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Dugly worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts. The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Dugly left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Dugly found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Dugly couldn’t have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Dugly.

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Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

“Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why Hooters?”

“They have those servers with the beautiful bosoms, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs.”

“You’re on.”

At age 42, they meet and play golf again.

“Where you wanna go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Again? Why?”

“They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games.”

“OK.”

At age 52 they meet and play again. “So where you wanna go for lunch?”

“Hooters.

“Why?”

“The food is pretty good and there’s plenty of parking.”

“OK.”

At age 62 they meet again.

After a round of golf, one says, “Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Wings are half price and the food isn’t too spicy.”

“Good choice”

At age 72 they meet again.

Once again, after a round of golf, one says, “Where shall we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts.”

“Great choice.”

At age 82 they meet and play again. “Where should we go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve never been there before.”

“Okay.”

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The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business .

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and the United States. Ruled by a pair of nuts.

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An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home.

All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Abdullah.

“How do you like it here?” Asked the grandson. It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful,” said Abdullah.

“We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a “little different” from everyone.”

“Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents.” Abdullah said with a big smile.

“There’s a musician here – he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him Maestro!

There is a judge in here – he’s 95 year old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honour.

There’s a dentist here – 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor.

And me – I haven’t had sex for 35 years and they still call me the Fucking Arab.

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