My first time buying condoms, at age 16, I went to the pharmacy. The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, “No, it’s my first time.”

She took one out, put it on her thumb and told me to make sure it was on tight.

I still looked confused.

She looked around the store to see if it was empty and it was.

“Just a minute.” she said and locked the door.

She led me to the back room, took off her shirt and bra.

“You like these?”

I could only nod my head.

She said to put the condom on.

As I was putting it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down.

“Come on.” she said. “We don’t have much time.”

So I climbed on her.

It was so amazing that I couldn’t hold back and KAPOW! I was done in two minutes!

She looked at me concerned and asked, “Did you put the condom on?”

I said, “I sure did!”

…and held up my thumb to show her.

“““““

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PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: potato

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled potato

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled potato

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50fuckinboiledpotatoes

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.
USER: 50FUCKINboiledpotatoes

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.

USER: 50FuckinBoiledPotatoesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER : IWillHuntYouDown50FuckinBoiledPotatoesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

“““““

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A priest and a rabbi are good friends and one night they get talking about Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden.

The conversation leads them to try skinny dipping and under the light of the moon, they find themselves in swimming in a lake with their clothes hung from a tree.

A car pulls up right next to the tree and two couples get out.

One couple are parishoners of the Priest’s, the other of the Rabbi’s.

They can’t go for their clothes, so they both run off naked, the priest using his hands to cover his penis, looks over and sees the rabbi covering his face.

“What are you doing?” he asks. The rabbi responds, “In my congregation, they recognize my face.”

“““““

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A soldier and his commanding officer are in a bunker.
The soldier picks up his binoculars and scans the horizon.
Soldier: “Sir! Enemy troops spotted! They look really… little.”
Officer: “Soldier, keep me informed!”

Some time passes.
Officer: “Status report soldier!”
Soldier: “Sir, the enemy troops look a little bigger.”

Some time passes.
Officer: “Status report soldier!”
Soldier: “Sir, the enemy is upon us!”
Officer: “Soldier, launch the attack!”
Soldier: “Sir, I can’t! I’ve known them since they were little…”

——-

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