A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college. “I feel it’s my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die.”

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When their father’s time had come, and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, the doctor put 10 newly printed crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.
Then, the financial planner also put $1,000 there in 20 newly printed crisp $50 bills.
Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer’s turn. He reached into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father’s coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

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An elderly man finds he is unable to perform sexually.

He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

He goes to see the Indian and the medicine man says, “I can cure this.”

With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, “This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say ‘123,’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!”

The guy then asks, “What happens when it’s over, and I don’t want to continue?” The medicine man replies, “All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for another year.”
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, “123.”

Suddenly he has the most gigantic erection he has ever had, just as the medicine man had promised.
His wife, who had been facing away from him reading a book, turns over and asks, “What did you say 123 for?”
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A married Irishman went into the Catholic confessional and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman.”

The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The Irishman said, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.”

The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.”

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,

“I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!”

The Irishman replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”

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A gay couple (Jay and Kyle) is traveling on a plane.

“What if we had sex?” asks Jay.

“Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it…”

“Nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!”

Jay stands up and asks loudly:

“Could I have a napkin, please?”

Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc. Flight attendants pretend to not hear them, as they also don’t give a damn.

“They really wouldn’t care then, would they?” says Kyle.
So Jay and Kyle have wild sex on the plane.

Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth.

“Sir, you should’ve asked for a bag!”

“I didn’t dare” whispers the old man. “A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a napkin and he got fucked in the ass…”

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