A man is concerned about his wife’s hearing
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A man is concerned about his wife’s hearing

A man is concerned about his wife’s hearing, so he goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.”

The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and yells “What’s for dinner??”

She turns around and says “For the THIRD time, beef stroganoff!”

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A teacher is explaining biology
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A teacher is explaining biology

A teacher is explaining biology to her 3rd grade students.

She explains that humans are the only animals that can stutter.

A little girl in the back raises her hand and says “No ma’am I had a cat who stuttered.”

The teacher knowing how precious these stories could be asked her to explain.

The little girl stands up and says ” Well we had this big tabby cat that liked to annoy the rottweiler next door and one day the rottweiler got lose and jumped the fence. My cat said fff, fff, fff, but before she could finish saying fuck the rottweiler ate her.”

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Noticed a girl who was at the beach every day
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Noticed a girl who was at the beach every day

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”
“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”
“Batteries?” cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied. “Sally sells C cells by the Seashore.”

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A blonde got tired of blonde jokes
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A blonde got tired of blonde jokes

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke.

She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals.”

One of the guys, of course, said, “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?”
“N,” she answered.

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