Month: March 2020

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says: “Hey, I’m Jesus Christ!”

The priest says: “No son, you’re not.”

So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says: “Man, I’m Jesus Christ!”

Then the priest says: “No son, you’re not.”

Finally, the drunk gets fed up and says: “Here, I’ll prove it.”

He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says: “Jesus Christ, you’re back again?!”
“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

‘Talking Dog For Sale’. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking

Labrador retriever sitting there.

You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was

pretty young..I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running…..but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

Because he’s a liar. He’s never been out of the yard’.

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?” she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

“What are you doing?” he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

“What are you doing?” she exclaimed.

He replied…………”Watching the game with my son-in-law.”

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

A professor, a janitor, and the school’s principal are leaving for the day when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After just a few minutes, he can’t take the kids’ screaming any longer, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The principal says “I’ll be a waitress. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze.” She is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive her insane, so she smashes her plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says “I’d like to be an artist.” He is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, and sells it for several million dollars. The fairy asks the janitor “The other two did not go well at their job. How were you able to become so successful?”

The janitor says “I have a masters degree in art.”

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.