I went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating.

She said: “How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?”

I replied: “He can smell she is ready . That’s how nature works.”

We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.

Again my girlfriend asked: “How does the ram knew when the ewe is ready for sex?”

I replied: “It’s nature. He can smell she is ready.”

We then went past a cow-field and the bull was mating with the cow.

My girlfriend said: “This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready?”

I said: “Oh, yes; it’s nature . All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex.”

Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye.

She said: “Take care and get yourself checked out for Covid-19.”

Surprised, “Why do you say that?” I asked her.

She replied: “You seem to have lost your sense of smell.”

“””””

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A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian.

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says ‘No’.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put these silly notions out of his head.

The son doesn’t give up though, every meal he begs his parents: “What about a cucumber?” “How about a little lima bean?”

Eventually the parents get sick of it and relent a little bit. His father tells him: “Fine! You can have a couple of peas with you dinner. BUT you have to eat all your roadkill first.”

The young vulture pleads “But daaaaddd”

The father says: “NO! – Carrion my wayward son, there’ll be peas when you are done.”

“””””

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My grandpa told me, “All you kids do these days is play video games.” “When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn’t pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”.

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his friends. He comes back three days later with a broken arm and covered in bruises.

The grandfather asks “What the hell happened to you?”

The grandson says “I did just like you did. I went to the Moulin Rouge with my friends; I tried to fuck a dancer on stage and piss on the bartender – but they beat the shit out of me and stole all the cash in my wallet!”

The grandfather asks “Well who the hell did you go with boy?”

The grandson says “My friends from school, who did you go with?”

The grandfather says “Well… the 2nd SS Panzer Division”

“””””

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It’s Friday night and a young woman gets chatting with a handsome army sergeant in a bar.

After a couple of drinks she asks: “So when was the last time you slept with a real woman then?”
A little taken aback, the sergeant replies “Let’s see…that would have been about 2015”.

With that, the woman takes him home for a thoroughly enjoyable evening. Afterwards she exclaims: “Well sergeant…for somebody who hasn’t had sex since 2015 you certainly haven’t forgotten anything!”.

The man looks at his watch and says: “I should hope not, it’s only 2230!”

——-

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