Two friars decide to open a flower shop. The flower shop down the road was furious.

They were being under priced at every turn and they were going to go out of business if things kept up.

So they hired a group a thugs to go and rough up the shop owners and shut them down.

The thugs came back later that day visibly shaken saying the friars would not be closing down.

The other flower shop would not listen. They went out and found the town’s badass, Hugh, and paid him to go do what the thugs failed at.

Later that night the friars shop had an “out of buisness” sign on the front door, proving once and for all, Hugh, and only Hugh can stop florist friars.

“””””

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The woman got up on stage of the theatre, looking at it onto the crowd awaiting her performance.

She opened her mouth and started to sing.

Looks of suprise went out amongst the audience. “I’m sure they’ve never heard anyone like me!”. But her confidence turned to shock when people got up out of their seats to leave. One by one, all left, but for one man. She kept singing until she finished her part.

The man beamed up at her, “Wow, that was quite a performance, have you ever thought of going professional?”
Surprised, she responds need, “umm…no?”

As he stood up to leave, he said, “a good decision…”

“””””

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After days of driving, a trucker walks into a empty small-town diner and sees three signs above the counter.

The first reads “Hamburger: $5,” the second reads “Cheeseburger: $6,” and the third reads “Handjob: $10.” As the man approached, a beautiful young woman dressed in an apron came out from the kitchen and asked coyly, “What can I do for you, hon?”

“Are you the one who gives the handjobs?” asked the trucker.

“Why yes,” answered the woman with a knowing smile. “Yes I am.”

“Well then go wash your fucking hands, because I want a cheeseburger.”

“””””

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A man in Moscow goes up to a newsstand and buys a newspaper. He then glances at the front page, then turns aside and tosses the whole newspaper straight into the trash.

Next day, he turns up, and does the same thing. Buys it, glances at the front page, throws it in the trash.

Next day, same thing. The newsstand worker is increasingly puzzled, but doesn’t say anything.

But eventually, after a couple of weeks of this, he can’t take it. “I’m sorry, friend, but I must ask: why do you buy the paper every day and then just look at the front page and throw it out?”

“Oh, I’m just checking for something.”

“OK, but: what are you checking for?”

“I’m checking for a particular obituary.”

“But sir, you don’t even open the newspaper! The obituaries aren’t even on the front page!”

“Oh, believe me, the one I’m waiting for will be.”

“””””

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