The geography of a woman as she ages:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia: Ruled by a pair of nuts.

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My son told me this joke years ago and it still is my favourite joke. He came home from school one day and says ‘Dad, I have a joke for you.’ I said, oh yes, let’s hear it. Very low expectations at this point. He said ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’, I replied with the usual, ‘I don’t know son, why did the chicken cross the road?’. He said, ‘to get to the idiots house.’ I gave him a yuck, yuck to not crush him, thinking he still is developing a sense of humour.

Anyway, he comes back again 10 minutes later and says, ‘Dad, I have another joke for you.’ I said, sure thing son. He said ‘knock, knock’, I said, ‘who’s there?’, he said ‘the chicken’.
It took me a moment to connect the two jokes, but I laughed genuinely.

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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper.

He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.

Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.

He then relayed, “…and you’re not going to believe this, there is a guy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass….

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The CEO of a large company was in need of a secretary. He spread ads all over town. A few days later, there was a knock on his door. It was a dog. He had a newspaper in his mouth. He opened it to the classifieds page and pointed to the ad that the CEO had placed. The CEO was impressed. But he thought it was a joke, so he playfully decided to test the dog:

– I need a secretary who understands the basics of computers.

The dog went to one of the secretary’s desks, climbed on the chair, turned on the router and the computer, in total tranquility. The CEO was amazed, but decided to go further:

– I need a secretary who understands spreadsheets.

The dog quickly opened Excel, grabbed a stack of papers, and started scanning names and contacts. The astonished CEO desperately followed:

– I need a bilingual secretary!

The dog replied:

– Meow.

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