An elderly woman was very ill, and in the hospital. Her daughter was constantly by her bedside, but when she had to go to work, she called her husband and made him promise he would visit his mother-in-law while she was away.

When she came home after work, she asked her husband, very worried: “So, how’s my mom doing?”

“She‘s great!” he replied. “She will be released from the hospital any day now, and will move in with us when she’s released, and go on to live for many, many years!”

“Wow! That’s amazing!” says the wife. “But also very strange. Before I left the hospital, she seemed very ill, and the doctors said she may only have a few days left. Did she have some kind of a miraculous recovery?”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” replied the husband. “But today, the doctor told me that we needed to start preparing for the worst!”

“””””

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One day, a raggedy looking woman carrying a large paper bag walks into the bank and asks to see the bank manager.

The receptionist is hesitant, but when she sees the large amount of cash in the bag, she escorts the lady into the manager’s office. The raggedy old lady says she’d like to open an account.

Naturally, the bank manager is extremely curious as to where this woman got all this money, so he asks her.
She replies,

“I make bets.”

He says, “what sort of bets?”

She replies, “for example, I’ll bet you $20,000 that your balls are square”.

He laughs and says to her, “that’s ridiculous! I’ll take that bet!”

She agrees and tells him that because it’s a large amount of money, she’d like to bring her lawyer in the next day at 10 am and they can settle the bet.

Bank manager agrees.

All night long, he’s wondering how in the world this woman could possibly win this bet.
Next morning, she arrives with her lawyer and tells the bank manager to drop his pants so they can settle the bet.

He does.

She says, “I have to feel them to make sure”!

He reluctantly agrees. Just then, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall.

“What’s wrong with your lawyer?” the manager asks.

“Oh, nothing,” she answers.

“It’s just that I bet him $80,000 that I’d have a bank manager’s balls in my hand at 10 o’clock this morning.”

“””””

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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window.

For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver said, “Look, mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver — I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”

“””””

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Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.
Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about being eaten all the time.”

As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted!”
And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark.

Kristian was horrified and so immediately swam away as he was scared of being eaten by his old friend.
As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached.
It took a while, but eventually Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought it’d be better if he could go back to his old life so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more.

With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristian’s home.

As he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “Kristian, it’s me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again.”

Kristian replied, “No way! You’re a shark now and you’ll just eat me. I’m not being tricked into being your dinner.”

Justin shouted back “No, I’m not a shark any more. That was the old me. I’ve changed…
I’ve found Cod. I’m a prawn again Kristian.”

“””””

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