A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when the wife claimed that her and her husband hadn’t argued since their wedding night.

After being asked about how they did it, the wife explains that after their wedding ceremony, they went and took a little honeymoon in a horse and buggy. The horse walked ten miles and stopped, refusing to go further.

“That’s one.” Said the wife. The horse looked back, walked another five miles, and stopped, refusing to go further.

“That’s two.” Said the wife. The horse looked back, walked another five miles, and stopped, refusing to go further.

“Alright – that’s three!” Said the wife angrily. She stepped out of their buggy, grabbed a shotgun and shot the horse.

“Hold on!” The husband said. “What do you think you are doing? We are twenty miles from home with no way back, and that was a vicious act of animal cruelty!”

The wife looked at her new husband and said: “That’s one.”

“””””

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Some construction workers are working on a high building early in the morning.

Sadly, Steve slips off a ledge, spirals down to the ground and is critically injured.

They attempt to save him with CPR, but there is a large hole in his skull that the blood keeps squirting out of, and he dies.

Bill says ‘Someone needs to tell Steve’s wife’. Joey says ‘I’ll do it, I’m very sensitive’.
Joey goes off, then a few hours later comes back with two cases of beer.

Bill asks ‘Where did you get the beer?’

Joey says ‘Steve’s wife gave it to me’.

Bill says ‘You told her Steve was dead and she gave you beer?’

‘Not exactly. When she answered the door I said “You must be Steve’s widow’, she said ‘I’m not a widow” and I said “I bet you two cases of beer you are”.’

“””””

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A young girl, who was writing a paper for school, came to her father and asked…
“Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”
The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree.”
“Let me show you what I mean… ”
With that, the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random.
As a man answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”
The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin… ”
“Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?”
“See,” said the father to his daughter, “That man was not a bit happy with our call.”
“He was probably very busy with something, and we annoyed him.”
“Now watch this… ”
The father dialed the same number again.
“Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.
“Now look here!” came the heated reply.
“You just called this number, and I told you that there is no Melvin here!”
“You’ve got a lot of nerve calling again!”
The receiver was then slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger.”
“Now I’ll show you what exasperation means… ”
He dialed the same number again, and a violent voice roared, “HELLO!”
The father then calmly said…
“Hello, this is Melvin… ”
“have there been any calls for me?”

“””””

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An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered.

The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that.
In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor?

I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. “Look,”. he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“Only a quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts!” “No way, dude. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

“””””

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