Month: January 2023

A man was once gifted a pet parrot. The parrot was beautiful, and trained to talk by its previous owners. Unfortunately, it only swore loudly and angrily whenever it wanted attention.

To try to stop this, he put the parrot in a box. The man told the parrot, “I am putting you in this box because you wont stop swearing.” For the entire 30 minutes, the parrot swore loudly at the man.

Then the man put the parrot in the closet. “I am putting you in this closet because you wont stop swearing.” For the entire 30 minutes, the parrot swore louder at the man.

Then he put it in the garage for 30 minutes. “I am putting you in the garage, because you wont stop swearing.” The parrot swore so loud, the neighbours could hear.

Finally, the man had enough. “This is the last straw! I am putting you in the fridge, you have been a bad bird!” He put the parrot in the fridge for 10 minutes, before returning to get it out.

When he opened the door, the parrot was seated politely, wide eyed, and apologized. The man asked the bird why he suddenly stopped.

The parrot looked to the left at the man’s dinner tonight. “Did the chicken swear too?”
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Guy giving a lecture, on the paranormal….

Guy: “How many people believe in Ghosts?”

About 60 hands go up.

“How many have seen a ghost?”

About 15 hands go up.

“How many have spoken to a ghost?”

3 hands go up.

“How many have had sex with a ghost?”

One hand goes up, Paddy right at the back.

Guy says to Paddy, I have been doing this for 40 years and you are the first that has claimed to have had sex with a ghost.

Come forward and explain.

Paddy says, “sorry I couldn’t hear you from the back, I thought you said goats.”

“””””

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A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” and charged them $80. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”

The old man said, “We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house, I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $120; the Hilton charges $150. We do it here for $80 and I get $64 back from my health plan.”

“””””

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Two foreigners come to United States for the first time.

They have very little knowledge about U.S. culture,

So they stop at a fast food place.

One sees hot dog on the menu and is shocked.

He tells his friend ” look they eat dogs in U.S.”

Intrigued he says he will try it When his order arrives, he turns to his friend and says:

With my luck guess which part of the dog i got.

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