Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a 3 bedroom suite on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, “I’m terribly sorry, but all the elevators are broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs.”

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stories. The three of them agreed that, to make it less boring, Al would tell the other two his funniest stories while they climbed from floors 1 to 25, Ben would tell his scariest stories from floors 26 to 50, and Carl would tell his saddest stories from floors 51 to 75.

They started to climb the stairs, and Al started to tell funny stories. By the time they reached the 25th floor, Ben and Carl were laughing hysterically.

Then Ben started to tell scary stories. By the time they reached the 50th floor, Al and Carl were hugging each other in fear.

Then Carl started to tell sad stories. “I’ll tell my saddest story of all first,” he said. “There once was a man named Carl who left the hotel room key in the car…”

“””””

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A general, a colonel and a major were having a heated argument on the subject of sex.

The general maintained that sex was 60 percent work and 40 percent fun. The colonel said that it was 75 percent work and 25 percent fun. The major thought it was 90 percent work and 10 percent fun.

At the height of the argument, a private appeared at the door. “Let’s leave it to him,” said the major. The private listened carefully and said with an air of absolute finality, “If you will pardon me sirs, sex is 100% fun and no work at all.” “How do you figure that ?!,” cried the astonished officers.

“It is very simple,” said the private. “If there was any work in it at all, you guys would have me doing it for you.”

“””””

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A burglar breaks into a home and holds the couple inside hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs and ties them to the chairs. The burglar slowly and methodically begins stealing from the house.

The burglar has taken everything of value, and is ready to leave while the homeowners are still bound to their chairs. Suddenly, the man yells at the burglar,
“Please untie her, please, let her go!”

The burglar responds,
“No, I’m not untying either of you so that the authorities get notified as late as possible. Don’t worry, your neighbours will soon wonder why your lights are still on throughout the night and check in on you long before you succumb to dehydration”

The man yet again pleads,

“Please, just untie her, I’ll do anything!”

The burglar once again explains his reasoning,
“I need to get away with this crime, I’m sorry, I can’t leave anything up to chance.”

The man shuffles his chair towards the burglar, in a state of mania, exclaims,
“I’m begging you man, just let her go, she won’t call the cops, I promise!”

The burglar, still unwilling to budge, did find it quite touching how much his hostage cared about his wife.

“Wow,” he said “You must really love your wife to beg me to untie her so desperately”

“No,” The man replied, in a state of frenzy “My wife will be home in 15 minutes”

“””””

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A middle manager was called into HR for a harmless ice breaker.

“Do you know why you’ve been sent here? One of your new employees, Gina, has levied sexual harassment allegations against you”. The stern HR rep asserted.

“What!? Gina!? Oh god, no this must be a mistake! I’ve only known her for a few days!” The manager replied perplexed and shocked.

“Well, I have her complaint right here. She says that you had her and your other new employees engage in an ice breaker that she said was inappropriate and that you made her feel uncomfortable by pressuring her to partake in it.” The rep coldly continued.

“I’ve done this ice breaker with all my new employees for over 15 years!” The manager proclaimed.
“Why don’t you tell me how this ice breaker works.” The rep suggested.

“Gladly! I want all my new hires to get an idea where everyone came from. So, I have people make little nicknames for themselves; they say the abbreviation of the state they grew up in followed by their name. So, for example, I grew up in from Connecticut, so I started us off as CT-Bob!” The manager stammers as he explains to the unsatisfied HR rep.

“There was NY-Adam, NJ-Rosa, CA-Devon; you get the idea. We went around the room until we got to Gina. She said she didn’t want to play and I thought she was just being shy, so I kept insisting she did. I eventually let her skip after she kept refusing, but I had no idea Gina felt uncomfortable let alone sexually harassed!” The manager desperately plead.

The HR rep looked down at the complaint again, cracked a smile, and said “Well, Bob, maybe it’s because Gina grew up in Virginia.”

“””””

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