A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are – my – test – results – back?”

“””””

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A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex.”

“Oh I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.”

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?”

The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”

“Cool” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”

“Those are for college men,” the dad answers, “two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”

“WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.

“Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March…”

“””””

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Mary comes home after tending to the garden.

Joseph has a warm pie on the table. He cuts Mary a peice of pie and she is thrilled by how amazing it tastes. So she asks Joseph, “Where did you get this pie from?”

Joseph tells Mary “I baked it!”

“Baked it?” Says Mary.

“Yes, right here in our home from scratch!” Says Joseph.

Mary looks at him confused then says “But we don’t have an oven.”

So Joseph looks her straight in the eyes and say “God helped me.”

Mary looks at Joseph annoyed, “Please, not this again.” as Joseph screams

“YOU SEE HOW THAT SOUNDS MARY?!?!?!?”

“””””

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Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He says out loud, “One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight.” His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, “What are you doing Johnny?” Johnny replies, “I am just doing my maths homework.” ” And is this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asks. “Yes,” Johnny replies.

The mother is now angry and immediately phones Johnny’s teacher, “What on earth are you teaching my son in class?” she asks. The teacher replies, “Right now, we are learning mathematical addition.” The mother asks, “And are you teaching them to say one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven?” After the teacher stopped laughing hysterically, she answers, “What I taught them to say was, one plus six, the sum of which is seven.”

“””””

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