A man is sitting at a bus stop, and there is another man sitting next to him.

Suddenly another man comes up to the second guy and says
“E-E-Excuse me, s-sir. C-Co-Could you p-p-please gi-give me d-directions t-to-to the n-ne-nearest gro-grocery s-st-store?”

The man didn’t say anything. He just sat there, looking at him, stress on his face. After a moment the third man comes up to the first man and asks him the same question. The first man gave him the dieections, the third man thanked him and walked away. When he left the first man looked at the second man and asked:
“Why didn’t you answer him? Couldn’t you at least tell him that you don’t know”

The second man looked at him and said:
“I-I-I didn’t w-want him t-to-to th-think th-that I-I was m-mo-mocking h-him”

“””””

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A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”

“Yes”, the wife answers, “why do you ask?”

Frustrated, the man answered, “Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I’m lost and need directions!”

“””””

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Cowboy An old cowboy, dressed in a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar, sat down, and ordered a drink. As he was sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?” To which he replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences, so I reckon I am.”

After a short while, he asked her what she was.

She replied, “I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV. Everything seems to make me think of women.”

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?” To which he replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.

“””””

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The CIA had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.’

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair… we need you to kill her’ The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife home.’

Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. ‘Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks’ he said. ‘I had to strangle that bitch to death’.

“””””

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